The Suffocating Bond
by danoverdeath
Summary: When Hikaru hurts, so does Kaoru. Right now Hikaru is hurting over Haruhi, but Kaoru seems to hurt for a different reason...Kaoru Hitachiin fears only one thing, and that's the seperation of his and his brother, but what if their bond tore them apart?


Yet another one of my oneshots from dA, first pairing I ever loved and it was incestual =_= I've had an idea lodged in the back of my mind for some time now to write another oneshot for this pairing, it started with a poem I wrote mainly, a poem called _'Paper Lantern'_, the poem wasn't even about the twins but . . . well you'll find out if I ever get round to writing it T^T Anyway, I loathe this fic, very OOC in my opinion and there should've been more action, it's too fluffy to the extent of it barely being shounen-ai o_O Still, somehow it became my most favourited deviation . . . what do you think?

**WARNING THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE OHSHC MANGA: CHAPTERS 50-53  
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT THE SPOILERS!!!!!!** Enjoy XD

_**The Suffocating Bond**_

Light flooded through the large multi-paned window. Though some of the light from the sun's fresh rays didn't succeed in this, and in their place was a large, long shadow in the shape of a grid that stretched across the room. The shadow constantly changed as small pink petals from the large and proud cherry trees behind the glass panes floated on the wind towards the ground, and occasionally gently caressing the wooden frames holding the panes of glass together.

The seventeen year-old lay in his bed, the moving shadow embracing his body, his hands above his head and his eyes closed as he continued to lay there motionless in a deep slumber.

There was a quiet _click_ as the door to his room opened, but he didn't stir. In the doorway stood a teenager of equal age with light, creamy, orange hair wearing a dark navy-blue dressing-gown.

The teenager looked at the peaceful figure lying in bed, the thin sheets laying limply over his body revealing his torso. He walked over to the single bed, leaving the door open. He positioned himself on the edge of the bed, his long shadow stretched in front of him, he looked at the black-haired mirror image of himself laying before him.

"Hikaru?" he whispered to the figure, half not wanting to wake his twin. But there was no reply. Just typical of Hikaru on a Saturday morning, the light-haired twin remembered that.

A thin black strand of hair lined the bridge of the teenger's nose, so the younger twin carefully allowed his fingers to brush the stray piece of hair away from his brother's face. The other moaned in his sleep at the gentle touch. The light-haired teenager couldn't hide his smile.  
He would always enter his brother's room and sit on his bed on a morning. Rarely Hikaru would be awake, but when he was the two talked. But the younger twin preferred it when his brother wasn't awake. He always enjoyed the time to think, and he never could _really_ concentrate on his thoughts when Hikaru _wasn't_ present. Though sometimes his thoughts where rather dark....

His smile disapeared.

The only thing he had ever trully wanted was for his brother to be happy. He had tried to think of himself when the two of them were in love with Haruhi but he couldn't bare to love and to be with someone whom Hikaru also so dearly wanted to be with and to love. Of course over the course of a year the younger sibling had gotten over his feelings for Haruhi, but his brother's feelings were a lot stronger and intense towards her than his.

The teenager sighed.

Hikaru got hurt by just _seeing_ Haruhi with Tono or even his younger sibling. Now Haruhi had made her decision after the options being narrowed down to her two possible loves: Hikaru and Tono. She chose Tono in the end and the pair had been dating for five months or so.

The light-haired teenager still remembered his brother's tears after they had both discovered Haruhi's _true_ decision.

He winced at the memory, his twin's sobs echoing in his head.....

After that day, him and his brother became closer. Hikaru didn't want anything to do with Haruhi or Tono. Hate, disapointment and sadness invaded his mind constantly, so to prevent it from effecting others he became more distant from them. His younger sibling followed in suit obediently.

Five months later and the younger brother was asking the same question to himself:

_'Does he still love her?'_

Even when he asked Hikaru directly for an answer, it would always be the same:

_"What do _you_ think Kaoru?"_

**'Everything dies,'** he thought to himself, **'and in it's place something is born.'**

_Our love for one another, was once the normal 'love' that brothers share, that died and it it's place our friendship was born. But now I'm afraid Hikaru that it's too late. Our 'friendship' isn't normal. We depend too deperately upon one another too much. I tried to stop it while I had the chance, to make you hate me, to make you free yourself and I from this nightmare. But I failed, I couldn't make you hate me, instead you tried to lead me and show me that there was a way that we could be independant and yet also live our lives together. But now I fear that something new is dying.....and that's our 'friendship'. I'm scared of what might be born out of this......and afraid of losing what we have.....and....of __**hurting you......**__ When you finally do move on from Haruhi what will you do? What will happen? What will be born? Hate? Oblivion? Death? __**Love?**_

The teenager looked down at his brother, his eyes becoming watery and full of sadness, "I'm scared Hikaru....." he said in a hoarse whisper, ".....I-I don't want this to end....I--" his eyes shut furiously in a desperate attempt to stop the tears from escaping his eye-lids, "I don't want to lose you...."

He lowered his head and let his lips gently brush against his brother's. Then, not believing what he had just done, the tears trickled slowly down his cheeks and onto his brother's. He let out a short strangled sob in disgust of himself.

_It's not like that. I want to say something is dying, but it isn't. The truth is a lot more terrifying than that...._

_  
Our bond has always been strong and it continues to get even stronger. Our bond is tightly wrapped around us, holding us together, because without each other we're lost. But because the bond is so tight we panic and are afraid of it's strength; so we depend on each other more and the bond tightens it's grip. But this bond is too strong now and I'm afraid that it is no longer a bond of friendship, but a bond of which my actions just now have confirmed. I'm afraid I'll lose you because of this change in our bond, I'm afraid I'll even hurt you or __**get**__ hurt myself......._

_  
The truth is I just want our bond to die and fade to oblivion. Surely it's better that way for both of us....._

".....K-Kaoru??"

As the said teenager opened his eyes they met with the hazel-green eyes of his brother's. Their faces inches apart with utter shock in their eyes.

"H-Hika--"

"W-What's going on Kaoru?" Hikaru interrupted his twin, his voice thick and heavy from sleep and confusion. "W-Why are you crying? Has something happened?"

"I-I'm f-fine," Kaoru stuttered wiping away the tears from his flushed face, "h-honest"

"Don't lie to me Kaoru!" the dark-hair seventeen year-old shouted. "Just tell me what's wrong!" he said almost begging his brother for the truth as he slowly reached towards Kaoru's face with one hand.

"Don't Hikaru!" the light-haired teen cried as he pulled away from his brother and got off the bed.

"Wait! Kaoru!" Hikaru shouted as he bolted upwards and attempted to grab his twin's wrist. But his reaction was too slow and his fingers barely brushed Kaoru's as the light-haired teen rushed towards the door. Hikaru jumped out of bed and imediately began to follow his twin still in only his boxers.

_But what if this is it? All things come to an end, this could just be the begining of that end for us. Surely our bond can't get any stronger than __**this;**__ and if it does, I know it will suffocate us. __**I feel like we're choking now.....**_

"Kaoru!" the eldest twin shouted after his younger brother as he ran down the long hallway outside his bedroom. He watched while running as his brother quickly stopped outside the door to the nearest bathroom. The younger teen then grabbed the golden handle and twisted it. "Kaoru!" Hikaru shouted before quickening his pace. Kaoru quickly slipped into the cold tiled room and began to hurriedly close the door behind him. But Hikaru grabbed hold of the door just in time.

_Please, just go.....I don't deserve you to love me as your __**brother....**__I have no right to expect anything more from you......_

Kaoru's hazel-green eyes widened as he saw his brother's pained face. The dark-haired teen clenched his teeth together as a dark, deep red liquid began to swell from the wound on his hand that was still keeping the door ajar just enough so he could see Kaoru's face. "Please, tell me what's wrong Kaoru".

_Even if my feelings for you weren't unrequited.....we would be separated......leaving us both broken-hearted........_

"There's nothing wrong!" Kaoru sobbed.

"If that's the case then how come you've been coming into my room in the morning, everyday for the past _month!?"_ the black-haired teenager asked impaitently.

Kaoru's eyes widened, **'He knew all this time?'**

"Tell me Kaoru, why are you afraid of losing me when you know that I would never let that happen?" Hikaru asked gazing gently at his brother.

_Promises like so are easily broken......_

He then clenched the door knob and slowly began to free his hand from the door. As he hissed in pain Kaoru instantly grabbed a handful of tissue paper and began to wrap it around Hikaru's bloodied hand. "Why were you afraid of me touching you Kaoru when you know I'd never hurt you?" he continued as his younger twin cared for the inujured hand.

_I know you would never hurt me......but I am afraid of you touching such a twisted person like me......._

"Why do you always ask about my feelings for Haruhi when you already know what they are?" he asked.

"What?" Kaoru looked up, his eyes meeting Hikaru's in a solid hold.

With his spare hand, Hikaru cupped Kaoru's chin in his hand. Kaoru flinched and tried to back away from his brother, a deep blush creeping aross his cheeks, but Hikaru held him close, "Just say it Kaoru".

"S-Say what?" Kaoru muttered, the blush on his face still increasing.

"The _truth...._" his brother replied.

"T-There's nothing wrong with me Hikaru! Please! Just let go!" Kaoru begged in a pleading sob.

Hikaru sighed, "You're misunderstanding me, Kaoru...."

"What do you mean?"

"Just answer me this, Kaoru:" he said gently, "'What is the reason that makes you cry when you kiss me?'"

Alarm flared in Kaoru's eyes, "H-Hikaru! What are you--"

"Give it up Kaoru, I know....."

_He knows what I've done......to __**him....**_

"I-I'm so sorry Hikaru!" he sobbed. He looked down at the tile flooring, his tears sliding off his face. "I--"

_What am I supposed to say, 'I'm sorry I find ya hot bro' and kissed ya while you were asleep, hope ya don't mind!'_

The light-haired teenager felt his brother's fingers move from under his chin to his right cheek.  
"Look at me Kaoru"

"I-I can't...." he sobbed.

"Kaoru, you know me better than anyone else," he said lowering his head so that they could make eye contact, "why do you think I would hate you?"

_It's like you can read my mind......I __**love**__ that...._

"H-Hika--"

"Surely if I hated you Kaoru," the dark-haired seventeen year-old interrupted, "I wouldn't be here with you right now....._you know that...."_

_He's right.....he wouldn't be here with me now if he hated me....._

Kaoru gazed at his twin, tears still falling off his cheeks.

**'He doesn't hate me!'**

Hikaru smiled when he saw the happiness and relief in Kaoru's eyes.

"...Answer my question Kaoru....."

_....Because I......_

"Because I love you, Hikaru....."

_...but....._

"....but I'm afraid if you don't love me too, you'll hate me....."

_......and if you do....._

".....and if you do......we'll get hurt......."

The black-haired teen pressed his forehead against Kaoru's, his hand still touching Kaoru's cheek.

"I'd never let _anyone_ hurt you Kaoru...." he whispered, "and I'll never let anyone hurt me either, because I know that hurts you even more.....". He gently put his other arm around Kaoru's waist so that they were in a semi-embrace. "It hurts me Kaoru, seeing you like this......please, don't keep your worries to yourself when you have me right beside you.......and...." he lifted his head slightly and lightly kissed his twin's nose, "_never_ be afraid when you should know I'll protect you......"

Kaoru wrapped his arms around Hikaru and began to sob into his shoulder.

_.....I have died and gone to heaven.....surely this can't be real....._

Hikaru let his hand drift away from his brother's cheek and began to stroke Kaoru's soft hair, _lovingly...._

"I love you....Kaoru Hitachiin...." he quietly whispered into the creamy-orange locks.

"I love you too.....Hikaru......." Kaoru replied, his heart pounding.

_Thank you....._

"Thank you......for not giving up on me......" he murmered into the bare shoulder.

Hikaru kissed Kaoru's head, "I'd never give up on you.....Kaoru...."

_**Thank you.....**_

THE END

-----

**Original Author's Note:**

The chunks in _italics_ are Kaoru's POV

first HikaKao oneshot!  
this is the first yaoi pairing i got into and i wuvs 'em!  
i was reading _'Knock'n on Your Door_ and was inspired! i love that doujinshi so much  
i also saw this amv which gave me the idea to write this too- .com/watch?v=YlXiuwSHfBY  
sorry if there's any OOCness they're really hard to get into character and i tried my hardest.....


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